Sad vs Depressed

At different points in my life I have been depressed, in other points of my life I have just be sad. To most they would seem like words that mean the same, but in the last 5ish years I have realised that although they are related, the mean two very different things and they are two very different emotions.

I am currently writing this at 1.41 am and I’m a little confused as to whether I am feeling depressed or just sad. Although to me, the two emotions a very different sometimes the lines between them can get blurred, so when it’s early in the morning and my brain won’t shut off for the night it can be hard to differentiate between the both.

I know, that in the morning when I wake up, my view of what I am currently feeling will be clearer. I know this because that is exactly what happened this morning. I woke up this morning and realised that I was just feeling a little sad. In hindsight, I could assume that it’s just sadness I am feeling right now, because that is what I was feeling this morning – however I know that in terms of my mental health specifically, the feeling of just being sad can be turn into feeling depressed incredibly quickly.

I feel like this is a very weird rambling that has occurred due to not enough sleep, but sometimes it’s good to just release those feelings in order to clear what is in your brain.

So, what do I believe to be sadness? For me, when I am sad, I will just have a little pit in my stomach, a little feeling that will linger with me but overall isn’t going to control my day. Normally, when I feel sad it is a result of something that is currently happening, it always has a cause.

Now, what do I believe to be depression? I feel like the biggest difference between when I feel sad and when I feel depressed is that the depressive feeling is far more controlling – it’s harder to get on with my day, and the pit is no longer in my stomach but is stretched over the whole of my body (does that make sense, probably not). And more often than not, if I am feeling depressed there is never a reason, it just happens, creeps up in a little attack. Sometimes, the depressive feeling can last a couple of days of poor mental stability sometimes it can be months, and then there is just the overall feeling that being depressed will never truly leave no matter how positive you feel.

When feeling like this, the main question I ask is why am I sad? Because as I said before, often if it is just sadness I can find a reason. This time however I both know and don’t know, is it the time of year, is it the little stress that have come with this time of year or am I feeling weird just because I am.

Something I will say though, is that it is okay. Whether it is sadness or it’s something more than that, it is okay. Feeling this way is okay, hurting is part of human nature and in a way, I am happy I hurt, because it means that I am human and I that I care.

I hope this weird little rambling wasn’t to odd. But I write these posts ultimately for me to look back on, and when I look back I want to remember all of it, even the worst of parts.  

Much Love, Holly xx

Why I Hate New Year, but Why This Year Didn't Suck!

I am a hater of New Years Eve/Day. I have been a hater of this day for years now, and honestly, it’s the one day of the year that I can never wait for to be over and here is why…

1)    It is NEVER like the movies. Every New Years I always get my hopes up for the perfect movie day, and it just never happens. You know how in all the movies, 23.59 pm roles around, the countdown starts and there is the girl with her glass of

champagne and the man of her dreams wrapped around her, then the fireworks start, everyone shouts “Happy New Year” and the most magical kiss occurs. In reality that just does not happen. I don’t know why up until this year I always still dreamt of that magical moment, because logically I knew that it never would happen.

2)    What ARE the perfect New Year plans? For the last few years I have tried to find the perfect New Year plans, everything from house parties, to parties at a club to pizza and movie in the comfort of my own home and never have any of my New Year plans actually gone to plan, so much so that one year when I planned to spend New Year’s with a (now ex) boyfriend the plans went so wrong that I didn’t actually end up seeing said (now ex) boyfriend until after midnight and ended up watching movies on my own for the whole evening. Maybe the day wouldn’t be so bad if your New Year’s plans actually worked out.

3)    All the super emotionally but ultimately fake reflections on the year. Honestly, I somewhat enjoy reading what everyone has to say about the year, however there is a very sinister part of me that reads peoples messages of love and I just feel lied to. In the reality of life, no one’s year is ever perfect, no one’s year is ever even close. Don’t get me wrong I believe people can have really, really good years, but sometimes I just read messages on New Year and think about all the horrible things that have actually happened within the year oppose to the happiness that people try to portray on this day. To be fair, it’s probably my own poor inability to forgive and forget the bad, that makes it so hard to read this messages with an optimistic view point. It is something I need to work on.

4)    New Year resolutions. I hate New Year resolutions! Why is it that you have to wait the whole year before you can decide of things to do to better yourself and your environment? Seriously? I don’t get it. If you want something to change, you don’t have to wait for a whole New Year to do it. Also, as a rule, most of the resolutions that people set are either incredibly unrealistic or are super irrelevant in the grand scheme of a person’s happiness. I understand why people want to set resolutions, but my advice is that you don’t have to wait to change the things, you can do it whenever YOU want to.

However, even though I have very strong feelings of hate towards this day of the year, my New Year’s Eve/Day wasn’t actually that bad! The irony of the fact that this year I had such a pessimistic view on how this day was go and yet actually found myself having a good time. I was around an amazing group of people, including a lot of my family, I had a nice alcohol buzz and spent the majority of the night dancing away and best of all I woke up the next day hangover free (whoop whoop)!

I think the moral of this story, is that even if I think I am going to hate something, with the right people and a more positive attitude positive’s can always be found.

Well I hope you had a good New Year’s Eve/Day, and despite my hate for this holiday, I truly hope that 2018 kick the ass of 2017 for everyone. Have a wonderful start to year and just make a point to truly enjoy whatever you going to be doing for the next couple of days.

Much Love, Holly xx