At different
points in my life I have been depressed, in other points of my life I have just
be sad. To most they would seem like words that mean the same, but in the last
5ish years I have realised that although they are related, the mean two very different
things and they are two very different emotions.
I am currently
writing this at 1.41 am and I’m a little confused as to whether I am feeling
depressed or just sad. Although to me, the two emotions a very different
sometimes the lines between them can get blurred, so when it’s early in the
morning and my brain won’t shut off for the night it can be hard to differentiate
between the both.
I know, that in
the morning when I wake up, my view of what I am currently feeling will be clearer.
I know this because that is exactly what happened this morning. I woke up this
morning and realised that I was just feeling a little sad. In hindsight, I could
assume that it’s just sadness I am feeling right now, because that is what I was
feeling this morning – however I know that in terms of my mental health
specifically, the feeling of just being sad can be turn into feeling depressed incredibly
quickly.
I feel like this
is a very weird rambling that has occurred due to not enough sleep, but
sometimes it’s good to just release those feelings in order to clear what is in
your brain.
So, what do I believe
to be sadness? For me, when I am sad, I will just have a little pit in my stomach,
a little feeling that will linger with me but overall isn’t going to control my
day. Normally, when I feel sad it is a result of something that is currently
happening, it always has a cause.
Now, what do I
believe to be depression? I feel like the biggest difference between when I feel
sad and when I feel depressed is that the depressive feeling is far more
controlling – it’s harder to get on with my day, and the pit is no longer in my
stomach but is stretched over the whole of my body (does that make sense,
probably not). And more often than not, if I am feeling depressed there is never
a reason, it just happens, creeps up in a little attack. Sometimes, the depressive
feeling can last a couple of days of poor mental stability sometimes it can be
months, and then there is just the overall feeling that being depressed will
never truly leave no matter how positive you feel.
When feeling like
this, the main question I ask is why am I sad? Because as I said before, often if
it is just sadness I can find a reason. This time however I both know and don’t
know, is it the time of year, is it the little stress that have come with this
time of year or am I feeling weird just because I am.
Something I
will say though, is that it is okay. Whether it is sadness or it’s something more
than that, it is okay. Feeling this way is okay, hurting is part of human nature
and in a way, I am happy I hurt, because it means that I am human and I that I care.
I hope this
weird little rambling wasn’t to odd. But I write these posts ultimately for me
to look back on, and when I look back I want to remember all of it, even the worst
of parts.
Much Love,
Holly xx
